WARNING... this post is bound to be a serious downer. If you are in a good mood, feel free to come back another time. I take no responsibility for ruining a perfectly good day with my ramblings.
One thing I never ever expected about motherhood is how incredibly stressful living in self-doubt can be. Everything else about being a mom, I don't find nearly as stressful as I thought I might. But, the self-doubt... it's a killer. When I start feeling stressed about things, usually mundane things, I realize that I'm not stressed about them at all, I'm stressed about all the unresolved doubts I currently have. They eat away at you.
My list is long... but I'll name a few. I'm currently really doubting this sleep training method. I'm totally inconsistent. Consistency really is a key to sleep training. But, sometimes I stay in the room, other times I HAVE to leave (for my own sanity, or to get things done) then come back when she's cried awhile. I really doubt whether I'm doing any good here. It feels like I'm doing more harm. It's really frustrating. I could go on...
I'm constantly doubting my decision to try to get out. I know that I need to attend all my exercise classes and mommy groups... but is it screwing up her schedule more than it's helping me? Is it worth it? I want her to be adaptable... but?? I could go on...
I'm still debating whether to stick with breastfeeding, or switch to full time formula. My health has been suffering a LOT lately. But... will my health continue to be bad even if I switch to formula? Some say it will... others say it won't. She's also very frustrating to breastfeed these days, so rather than it being a good bonding time, I often find myself getting annoyed at her. But then the cost of formula feeding... not pleasant. And the guilt... oh, the guilt. I could go on...
I think you see my point. I constantly toss these battles around in my head. No wonder I've been suffering from head aches virtually every single day! My poor brain.
What a pleasant start to an otherwise beautiful day.
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A conglomeration of my less-than-witty ramblings of life as I transition from full time academic/college prof/obsesive work-a-holic to motherhood. This should be interesting...
2 comments:
I'm so sorry Cari :( I know what you mean about the self-doubt. I think it just comes with the job. One thing that I've been told and it's SO true is to always trust your gut. Whether it be BF or FF, sleep training, or whatever, just take it moment by moment and decide. I realize you can't do that with everything (for consistency sake) but you are doing the best that you can so whatever you do decide, just the fact that you're weighing the pro's and cons already makes you a good mom. Take captive those doubts you have and don't let them run rampid in your mind. It will consume you and you don't need that. You're doing a great job. (((hugs)))
Self-doubt is also known as mommy-guilt. I, also, suffer from bucket loads of the stuff. Just know that God made you the perfect Mom for Aubrie!
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